Friday, August 19, 2011

Forgiven


"The past can't be changed, can it? It can just be forgiven." Elizabeth George 

They live inside my head....the memories of what happened.....it's all there....the pain, the fear, the fight to hold on.....all that darkness.....and the people who hurt me.....who tried to keep me down...who terrified me....and tried to keep me from living free - they're there too....

But the neat thing.....they're just memories...with no power....smoke without fire. 

I have choices now....how I want to move in the world....what I want my life to look like...be like. I have choices.....what I want or don't want. It's still a struggle some days....but nothing compared to what it was. Most days now.....I wake up happy....thankful to be alive....grateful I survived....

I can't change what happened...or that I had to fight alone against people trying to keep me living less than my best.....

But I do have choices today.....how I'm going to live.....what I'm going to do with all that stuff.  And I chose to forgive the things that happened and the people who hurt me.  I can't forget...but I can use what happened to show hope and make a difference for someone else.

What happened....shaped who I am...they made me me.....a fighter....someone who refuses to stay down. I learned from living on the streets....from the things I had to fight.....to never give in....to never give up.  And I learned from the people I met....those more vulnerable....who couldn't fight....to walk more gently....to have compassion....

And those people who hurt me....who almost killed me from what they did......they couldn't touch my spirit. They left scars on my body but they couldn't leave them on my soul....

I'm grateful to be alive....to have another day to draw in a breathe and live my best life.....to shine hope for someone else fighting their way through the darkness. Someone once told me the best revenge is to live my best life. I'm determined....that's what I'm going to do. And in doing that....I forgive.  I'm doing that for me.....and for my kids....so they have a mom who'se free.....

We're going on holidays....heading to the mountains....a place I feel free....connected.....strong.  And it's there I hear His whisper reminding me......nothing is ever impossible to overcome.

13 comments:

Finding Pam said...

Sarah,it's a good thing that those people didn't break your spirit. Today's post was so inspiring.

I'm almost to that point where I can let go for good of those bad times. Inspite of it all you survived. Living well is the best thing you can do and it sounds like you are.

Is that you in the picture climbing that mountain? Enjoy your family and the outdoors. I feel safest outside.

Chatty Crone said...

I'm glad they never took your soul - it's a good one.

Have fun in the mountains!

Olivia said...

Have an amazing vacation, and I am so happy for you Sarah, that you are connected to your power and freedom now. You are a survivor and an overcomer! xoO

Paula said...

Darling girl,recharge in the mountains. you are going strong. Love you.

Joanne said...

Sarah, I LOVE this post! I felt the strength and sheer power from it! You are helping so many...God bless you!
Blessings, Joanne

Starry Dawn said...

Hi Sarah dear,
I am also grateful that you are alive, and be able to share your wisdom and love with others worldwide, sweet Sarah. I am happy to know you, and that you shine hope for someone else fighting their way through the darkness. You are going on Holidays, Sarah!! Have fun, and enjoy your time in the Mountains with all your beloved ones!! God is with you at all times and everywhere you go.
Thank you for your kind visits in my blogs and emails, sweetheart!!
Blessings and Much Love,
Poet Starry Dawn.

Sharon said...

Inspiring as always. I have some years in my life in which I played the prodigal. Oh, how I wish I could take them back. But I finally realized that as long as I stay mired in guilt, God's forgiveness couldn't do its full work in my heart and my life. I had confessed and repented, He had forgiven - and it was time to move on! Yes, He taught me that nothing is ever impossible to overcome.

Have a great time in the mountains - feel free and connected and strong. And your children will see the strong eagle that you have become - soaring high above the past.

GOD BLESS!

Crown of Beauty said...

Such a shining light your writing is. Remembering the past, what it was like, but no more pain.

Our pastor once said that really is what forgiveness is... when you look at the scar, and touch it, it no longer hurts.

Being forgiven AND RECEIVING FORGIVENESS does that to you and me - because when we receive the forgiveness we can walk in it, and gladly give it to those who need it.

Have a wonderful holiday with your family, Nikki!

Much love
Lidj

CRY said...

Good for you. Makes me think about some of the abuse I went thru and I need to think about what you just wrote. Are these people that hurt you still around?

TheBlogWriter8 said...

Today is one of those days when I read you in awe and wonder- "how?" Nikki, you're living your best! Keep at it.

Being Me said...

What a great feeling to feel free.. enjoy the mountains..

Be at peace.

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. Enjoy your time in the mountains! Peace!

Starry Dawn said...

Hi Sarah,
I had to go back to this inspiring post and read it again.
Great inspirational post, Sarah.
I hope you are doing well.
God bless you, and those you love!
Blessings,
Poet Starry Dawn.