The Same

"Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box." Italian Proverb 

I used to be intimadated by people in power - professionals who held some level of authority. I used to think I was inferior to them....that they were somehow better than me and carried all the answers. 

I don't believe that anymore. I've learned that we're all made of the same stuff. It's not about whether or not we have a degree.......or hold a position of power......or even work in a factory.....everyone's just trying to live out their best lives.  

And I've discovered people are nice or not simply because of the make-up of who they are.....not because of any position they might hold. It's those people who smile at the little guy....and hold the door open for them that's the best. Kindness outweighs power and authority. 

Those are the people who taught me to live my best life....and to give back what's been given to me. They're the ones who showed me a softer more gentle way of being in the world. 

There are amazing people everywhere.....people who are bright lights shining compassion....they stand out as a reminder that whoever we are....whatever we do.....each of us is worth the same. 

Lost and Found

“When you're lost it sometimes takes a while to realize you're lost. You convince yourself you've just wandered off the path...you'll find your way back any moment. Then night falls....you still have no idea where you are. It's time to admit you've bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.” Elizabeth Gilbert

Being lost is scary...terrifying actually. I was lost a few times....once in the woods. I had my bike with me. I was alone. It had started to get dark. I remember the panic...the desperation of trying to find the way out. 

I wandered in circles....over hills, mountains, passing streams and trees...everything looking the same. Finally....I dropped my bike and took off running. In my panic.....I prayed...more like begged God to help me get out of there.  He heard. When I came across an opening that had a stream of light shining through showing the way out.....I whooped and hollered....totally relieved...totally grateful.  

Being lost isn't fun. It's scary. Frightening. I used to be lost in ways that made my world scary.  I wandered in the dark....alone....desperate to find the way out....afraid I never would. 

I drifted around going over and over the same hurtful places.  In my panic.....I prayed.....more like begged God to show me the way out. He heard. When I saw the Light illuminating the path leading out.....I was totally overwhelmed with relief, joy and gratitude. 

Being lost on your own....in the dark.....is super scary.  I've never forgotten the feeling of running scared......the panic sticking in my throat....the hope of seeing a path I thought to be the way out and then the awful let-down when I realized it led nowhere. And when I finally saw the Light showing the path out...those overwhelming feelings of relief and gratitude.... 

I won't ever forget what it felt like to be lost then found. Because of that.....I always want to shine His Light for others so they too can find their way out.

Power in Writing.

Writing is a weapon more powerful than a fist." Hurricane Rubin Carter  

Sometimes it's the tough way....the hard road.....the path that seems meaningless that teaches the best lessons. That's the way it was for Rubin Carter. 

Convicted for crimes he didn't commit, Carter spent a lifetime in jail. A champion boxer...he earned the nickname, Hurricane Carter.  But it didn't matter how good he was in the ring....in prison....at his lowest....he learned to fight a better way.....not with his fists.....but with words. 

The words he penned touched a boy who picked up his book....cheap....at a rummage sale. Carter's words turned that boy into a fighter - not in the ring....but in life. He learned to fight for truth and helped win Carter's release.  

A movie was made of Carter. Watching his story unfold is hard. Something inside wants to turn away....to not see his descent into hopelessness. But somehow he learned to put pen to paper and write in a way that sparked something in a boy who read them...He succeeded in igniting hope....faith....and compassion in him.   

It's what I want to do with my writing...inspire...empower.....show how to fight back in ways that make a difference. But sometimes I wonder if what I write is meaningless....a waste of time tapping out all those words. Yet....something inside me feels this crazy urge to keep doing it....to keep writing.....to pen those things that inside....And maybe....just maybe....I can make a difference in even one life....like Carter did for that boy.

Choices.

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." Anne of Green Gables

The good thing about tomorrow.....it's a clean slate......brand new......totally fresh. And the best.....I get to do whatever it is I want. I get to chose.

I can't change what happened in the past...I can't change all the tough stuff....or trauma or hurt. But I can make choices that effect how I'll live my life moving forward. 

Those things that happened....shaped who I am...they made me me.....a fighter....someone who refuses to stay down no matter what. I learned from the streets....and from the things I had to fight....to never give up.....and I learned.....that things change...and they eventually do turn around for the better. 

And the thing that matters most.....the people who hurt me...couldn't touch my spirit.  I have scars on my body from what happened.....but none on my soul....

I'm grateful to be alive....and for each day to draw in a breath and have  opportunities to live my best life. 

Today.....I choose courage....and gratitude....I won't let what happened define who I am or dictate how I move through the world anymore. And I'm not alone.....there are so many like me.....fighters....who refuse to stay down.....who're fighting to live their best lives too. 

Today...is a fresh slate and I get to chose.....

Enjoy the Journey

"Live as though life was created for you" Maya Angelou

It's always been hard for me to simply enjoy life. Although I'm happy for each day now.....letting go and living it to the fullest is something I need to consciously do.  I have to pump myself with thoughts that all I have is today.....that this is it....the time I've been given....to do as I want....how I want.....

But sometimes I'm not sure what that means or how to do that...I've been so used to focusing on getting through stuff....living with passion and purpose than simply kicking back and relaxing and enjoying the journey. It  doesn't come easy to me. I got to work at it. Really think about it. Make an conscious effort to put it into practice.

I do want to face life different......not with so much passion and fight.....but with more enjoyment. But how do you let go of the drive inside....the compulsion to attain some goal....or purpose....or plan. How do you quiet the urge....the pull...the push to get that thing done or accomplished. I drive myself crazy....living and breathing that one goal....that one purpose. I focus my whole being on that one thing.....until I manage to reach it. I let it take up way too much room in my head.

It's different when I'm out in the woods....in His creation....feeling the peace of nature. But I can't always be out there.

Life is a journey to be enjoyed. Lately I've been hearing that a lot......now to live it. 

Writing Break

"Never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." A.A.Milne

I don't like saying good-bye. I try to never say it to those I care about...the people I love. I think if I do.....I might never see them again. 

I've been thinking about taking a break from this blog for a while. I'll still be writing on my other ones and I'll be back here in a bit. 

I'm writing another book. I'm half through and need to focus on the edits and story line. 

Stay strong guys....Never give up your fight to live your best life.

Anyone who wants to still follow me can do so at my other blogs - 
Gentle Recovery or Write 2 Empower

Forgiven

"The past can't be changed, can it? It can just be forgiven." Elizabeth George 

They live inside my head....the memories of what happened.....it's all there....the pain, the fear, the fight to hold on.....all that darkness.....and the people who hurt me.....who tried to keep me down...who terrified me....and tried to keep me from living free - they're there too....

But the neat thing.....they're just memories...with no power....smoke without fire. 

I have choices now....how I want to move in the world....what I want my life to look like...be like. I have choices.....what I want or don't want. It's still a struggle some days....but nothing compared to what it was. Most days now.....I wake up happy....thankful to be alive....grateful I survived....

I can't change what happened...or that I had to fight alone against people trying to keep me living less than my best.....

But I do have choices today.....how I'm going to live.....what I'm going to do with all that stuff.  And I chose to forgive the things that happened and the people who hurt me.  I can't forget...but I can use what happened to show hope and make a difference for someone else.

What happened....shaped who I am...they made me me.....a fighter....someone who refuses to stay down. I learned from living on the streets....from the things I had to fight.....to never give in....to never give up.  And I learned from the people I met....those more vulnerable....who couldn't fight....to walk more gently....to have compassion....

And those people who hurt me....who almost killed me from what they did......they couldn't touch my spirit. They left scars on my body but they couldn't leave them on my soul....

I'm grateful to be alive....to have another day to draw in a breathe and live my best life.....to shine hope for someone else fighting their way through the darkness. Someone once told me the best revenge is to live my best life. I'm determined....that's what I'm going to do. And in doing that....I forgive.  I'm doing that for me.....and for my kids....so they have a mom who'se free.....

We're going on holidays....heading to the mountains....a place I feel free....connected.....strong.  And it's there I hear His whisper reminding me......nothing is ever impossible to overcome.

Think!

"Think. Think. Think. Think it over, think it under."A.A.Milne

I used to be impulsive....jumping into things without giving them a second thought. Something would pop into my head or someone would suggest something.....and wham...I'd run with it. And....once in....I usually back-peddled to get out.  

Possible consequences? Pros and cons? Those  things never dawned on me. I jumped in with both feet.....not worrying about any outcome.....good or bad.

Some people told me I was spontaneous.....doing things on a whim....others said.....I was impulsive.....following my emotions.....not being cautious or  rational. I think the later was more right.....b/c I ended up in risky situations....and painful relationships. 

I learned the hard way.....to stop.....and think. Think it over. Think it under. Check things out from every angle before doing something. And I had to figure who I was....what I wanted....what I needed.....the things that were important to me. I never knew any of that. I was so used to looking outside myself for answers - It wasn't until I started looking inside that I figured out it's okay to take time.....to wait on something....to think it out...think it through.... 

I still sometimes run head first into stuff.....but less often. Now....I usually take a long time to figure out if something is good or not. It might be good for somebody else....it might even sound awesome...exciting....fun....but it might be all wrong for me. Sometimes....someone tries to pressure me into doing something...but after my emotions shout...Yes I'm in!.....something inside clicks on and screams WAIT.....THINK.....check it out.... 

Most times now...I make decisions by talking it out...thinking it over..looking at all sides of whether or not I even want to do it. Think. Think. Think. Think it over.....think it under.